Sometimes

[Found on postsecret.com]

 Sometimes it's like they don't remember that I miss you.

Nothing In Particular

I found these and thought of you...

Dear Grandma...

Due to some rather sad and unforeseen circumstances I find myself back in London today and for the next few days. I am deeply sorry to say that my grandmother died a few days ago, so of course I have come back for the funeral, which will take place on Monday. She was an amazing woman and will be sorely missed by everyone, including all ten of her grandchildren and her two new great-grandchildren (one of whom was born just a day after her passing...there is life in death, after all). Grandma, we love you and we will always remember you...you and your watered-down apple juice.

My Grandma, Rachel Foster

And So It Begins

Finally my summer travels have begun, and although not quite as exciting or adventurous as it would have been had I won the STA WTI, I am just ecstatic to be going anywhere, to be moving, to be on the road.

I'm currently in Tuscany, Italy, staying in the most beautiful villa about an hour south of Florence, with my Dad and two younger sisters. It. Is. Heaven. The weather is glorious, the food delicious, and the pool is the exact right temperature - not too cold, not too warm, just perfect. Oh it's a hard life.

We've really just been doing nothing since we arrived. Just lying by the pool, reading, listening to music...mostly waiting for the next meal! And I wouldn't have it any other way. Although I think tomorrow we're going to Siena for a bit of a change of scenery.

I'm here until Friday and then it's a nice long train journey to Nice, France (I think I have to make about 3 or 4 changes...that could be interesting as I really don't speak a word of Italian. Or French for that matter. All part of the adventure I suppose!) and then on to my Grandma's house in a little village called Coursegoules, up in the mountains. It's so beautiful there, and I've been going every year since I was three, so it's kind of like a home-from-home.

And so, the journey continues...

Did I Forget To Mention?

On the 10th of May 2010, a momentous event occurred. I. Passed. My. Driving. Test. Yes me. After about 4 years and numerous attempts I was finally granted the freedom that I have desired for so long. And with only 4 minor faults too. I don't know why I didn't mention it earlier. I am chuffed. Now all I need is a car!

Bucket List Number 34 - complete!

Tantrums, Trampolines and Tortoises

The other day I was left in charge of two of my younger sisters (yes...i have four sisters in total, crazy right?!), one of whom is eleven (Clara) and pretty much just chills and looks after herself but the other is just a baby (Thalia), well almost two, so she requires a little more attention. And my god is she entering those 'terrible twos' with a bang.

First it was, 'lets go outside and play with the chickens'. 'okay...yes', she says. So we go upstairs to get her dressed and all hell breaks loose when an attempt at changing her nappy (or 'mappy' as she calls it) is made. I mean she literally had an absolute screaming meltdown, the likes of which I've never seen. Eventually though, and with the use of many distraction tactics, I managed to wrestle her into some clothes, after which she was a very happy bunny and toddled off to play with her dolls, the chickens completely forgotten about.

Shortly afterwards we had a game of hunt for Louis, the tortoise, so that we could give him a bath. Now you see, Louis is given free roam of the house and he likes to hide in small dark spaces, which means finding him is somewhat of a mission. We looked high and low, in every nook and cranny I could think of, all the while Thalia got more and more excited, shouting 'Louis, Louis' and she stomped around the house. Finally we found him, huddled behind a piece of furniture and took him for his bath, a job Thalia relishes...anything where she can get a bit messy! And after some 'gently splash Louis...now all clean' gobbledygook from Thalia, it was time for lunch. Carrots, pitta bread, humous, cottage cheese and tomatoes, tomatoes, tomatoes!

Finally, after much crying, giggling, running (and falling over) and shouting (her, not me), I got the naughty little one into bed for her afternoon nap (I know...I wish it was socially acceptable for a 21-year-old to have a nap too!), meaning I could use the time to do some of my mountains of uni work. Did I? No, of course not. I spent two hours pretending to work (i.e. having the word document open), while really I was just on facebook/twitter/STA or watching some crap on Ninjavideo (you know the drill).

Luckily, when Thalia awoke she was in a much better mood, and while there was still a little complaining about the 'mappy' change - 'don't like it, don't like it! Just mummy do it' - she was enthralled enough with the idea of doing some painting that she didnt put up too much of a fuss this time.

And painting we did. Her hands were covered. Her feet were covered. Her clothes were covered. The sink went purple. The flannel turned multicoloured. She had a blast! The fun continued outside on the trampoline, where I was ordered to sit and 'watch' as she bounced to her heart's content, checking every now and again that I was indeed doing as I was told.

I'll end the day with tales of bath time and bedtime which were, thankfully, an absolute pleasure. We got all the plastic ducks out, had a bubble blowing fight and took lots of photos (to which Thalia says 'me see, picture, me see?' At story time we read a book called 'I Want My Mum'...her choice. Very funny little tale of a princess who wont go anywhere or do anything without her mum. Sounds like someone I know. Then it was night night, lights out. Zzzzzzz.

Babies are hard work. I love her to bits but I'm glad I could give her back at the end of the day!

I Heart Lists

Was having an introspective moment last night and thought I'd write up all the things I want to do before I die, otherwise known as a Life List...or Bucket List...you choose. The following are in no particular order...I just wrote down what I thought of. This will undoubtedly be added to as i think of more things.

Here goes:

1. Ride on the Trans Siberian Railway from Moscow to Beijing.
2. InterRail around Europe.
3. Spend a year living in another country.
4. Skydive.
5. Go Hang Gliding.
6. Sing on stage in front of a large audience.
7. See Robbie Williams live in concert (lame I know...but I love him).
8. Run the London marathon for Teenage Cancer Trust.
9. Do the London to Paris cycle ride.
10. Road Trip from New York, across the States and down through South America all the way to Chile.
11. Re-trace Chris McCandless' (aka Alexander Supertramp) travels (but don't die, obviously!)
12. Learn to Surf.
13. Win an Oscar. Or a Bafta. Or both.
14. Get a photograph published in a well-known magazine.
15. Send a secret to PostSecret and have it shown on the website.
16. Get a tattoo.
17. Learn another language.
18. Build a house.
19. Fall in love.
20. Make a difference (to at least one person's life).
21. Give Blood.
22. Climb Everest (or at least to base camp).
23. Learn to Scuba dive (and stop being so scared of the sea in the process).
24. Leave home and don't return until I've been to all the countries I want to visit.
25. Have an exhibition of my artwork/photographs.
26. Have a family
27. Live on a beach/remote island in solitude for 6 months.
28. Hold or pet a monkey/lion/tiger.
29. Get into Film School in America (NYU/USC/UCLA).
30. Graduate from Uni with at least a 2:1.
31. Do the Mongol Rally.
32. Own a dog. A Golden Shepherd to be exact. And call him Supertramp.
33. Get really involved with a charity.
34. Pass my driving test.
35. Road Trip through Africa/South Africa.
36. Go to Glastonbury Festival.
37. Teach kids English in India/Africa.
38. Spend a year without technology (see 27).
39. Build a boat and learn to sail.
40. Design or invent something for Apple.
41. Kayak between the Greek Islands.
42. Walk on the Great Wall of China.
43. Visit the Grand Canyon.
44. Ride an Elephant.
45. Write a book...and have it published.
46. Kayak through the Amazon (all 2010 miles of it).
47. Do a ski season and get good at snowboarding.
48. Set foot on each of the seven continents.
49. Buy and own a car
50.

Welcome To The Jungle

Just done my first day's work experience at Princess Productions in London (aka the people who make T4) and it was soooo good! So much better than I expected it would be. For starters, everyone is so nice and the atmosphere around the place is so chilled out and relaxed. No one really seems to be stressed or rushed at all, which is nice.
The day started with a tour of the place...offices, edit suite, post-production, the gallery (where the director sits in a room with a gazillion screens to watch what is being recorded) and finally the studio, where I watched (and got involved with the clapping/cheering/laughing) Grimmy (aka Nick Grimshaw) do all the links that will go between the shows on Saturday's show.
I was introduced to everyone (whose names I promptly forgot), and given a few simple tasks to do.
Then things got just a little bit exciting...Jude Law and Forest Whittaker arrived to do an interview about their new film, Repo Men! It was quite strange, to be standing in this studio that I've only ever seen on TV, watching presenter Nick Grimshaw chat to these two massive film stars...crazy.

If you listen close enough, you might even be able to hear me clapping.

Big Fat Fail

The last few days have just generally been rather crappy, and I'm feeling a bit bummed out to be honest. Can't wait to go home to London on Saturday and have a break. But wait...I wont really be getting a break for another 2 weeks, cos Ive gotta do work experience for one of my course modules. I'm working at T4, and I am looking forward to it, hopefully it should be a lot of fun, but I'm also kind of wishing I didn't have to do it and that I could just hang around and relax for a while. Life's been pretty hectic these last few weeks or so, and it doesn't look like there's gonna be any let up any time soon unfortunately.

The rain doesn't help either. Come on sunshine. I know you're out there somewhere to take these winter blues away.

Happy Birthday James

It would be James' 22nd Birthday today. It's a weird thing, to be thinking about what someone would be like, or what they would be doing if they were still here. Would we still be friends? Would our lives still cross paths? It's been just over two and a half years since he died and there's not a day I don't think about him. Every day it gets a little bit easier, and every day it gets a little bit harder. To think that I have not known him for almost half as long as I knew him is a strange feeling. He was a massive part of my life, and I'm sure if I had never met him I wouldn't be the same person I am today. He has inspired me to enjoy each day, to really live. To do the things that scare me. To embrace my life and the lives of those around me. To not sweat over the little things. To really embrace for the big things. He has taught me the importance of friendship, and laughter, and love. But most of all he has helped me to just be me, because there really isn't any point in pretending to be anyone else.

And for that I am truly grateful.

So I say this...Happy Birthday James. Thank you for being in my life. You are always missed. And never forgotten. xxx

I Need A Holiday

"It's a beautiful day, but I'm stuck inside, staring at this screen, working 9 till 5"
- Scouting for Girls, 'I Need A Holiday'

How apt. I'm sitting in an extremely busy library at uni, trying to work, earphones in, music playing,  attempting to ignore my rumbling stomach in an effort to just get this done so I can go home and enjoy the sunshine, when this song comes on my iPod. Perfect. There's nothing quite like a good tune to lift the mood. Today has suddenly gotten a whole lot better. I can sit here in the knowledge that I'm not the only one, that the work will get done, that summer is a-coming. That life is round the corner.

So to all those who, like me, have far to much to do and not enough time to do it in, I quote those lyrical geniuses Scouting for Girls once more:

"Cheer up cheer up, don't be blue, don't forget it's home time soon"

What's next? some Rolling Stones? Yes please.

Why We Travel

Fantastic article I thought I'd share. It eloquently explains the human desire to travel, to be somewhere exciting and new, something that I yearn for on a daily basis, not because I'm bored with where I am, but because my curiosity takes over. Everywhere else is just more exciting.

"Because work is stressful and our blood pressure is too high and we need a vacation. Because home is boring. Because the flights were on sale. Because New York is New York."

Because New York is New York.

So. True.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/travel/2010/mar/14/why-travel-makes-you-smarter?page=all

I Want To Do Something Amazing

I'm feeling the need to do something good. Something that isn't for me, that doesn't benefit me. It's coming up to what would be James' 22nd birthday and it's inspiring me to think of ways to raise money for teenage cancer trust, a charity very close to my heart.
Just trying to psych myself up for a bit of running maybe?
http://www.teenagecancertrust.com/get-involved/as-a-fundraiser/treks-and-challenges/bupa-10000-2010/

So if anyone has any ideas or wants to do do something with me, that would be fab!

One More

Baby T

Call my name and I’m there,

I hear laughter and see arms held wide,

Hug, you say.

You stomp around,

Apple boots splashing in brown muddy water,

Running with glee as I chase you.

You trust me absolutely,

I take this and treasure it,

Never letting go.

New game inventions,

Off to the moon with pans on our heads,

Banging the drum in time with me.

Grinning and clapping,

With golden dipped hair,

You dance.

Tell you a story and sing to you,

Those blue eyes you gaze at me with,

How do I live up to that?

Tell me please,

Little lion roar.

A Few More Poems For Your Pleasure

Breaking Out

Let me escape,

Let me see

What else is around.

I need to be free,

You’re holding me back,

Keeping me locked up in

The grey matter

Of this life.

Come with me,

Or don’t

I’m off to explore.

You’d make it better,

Different,

But I don’t need

Your permission.

How can you not

Be curious?

There’s so much out there,

So many different people and

Exciting ways of living.

So don’t stay in your bubble,

Tackle your fears

Head on

Do the things that scare you,

You’ll learn more than

You can ever imagine.

--------------------------------------------

Blanket Me

Blanket me,

Wintry and cold,

Brilliant white.

Your perfect stillness,

Quiet, calm, nothing, nowhere.

Within you I am safe,

Protected.

Invisible.

I can lay here, wings at my sides,

Frozen but smiling,

While you hold me tight.

You cover me,

Touching my face, my hands.

I stick out my tongue,

As you fall on me.

Stress Me Out

Today has been stressful. With a capital STRESS.  We start filming on Friday and there is so much to do. My task for today was to finish the storyboard...quite simple, no? Well yes, it would be. If my printer hadn't decided to die on me. Of all the days. When I actually need to print a shed-load of stuff, it says 'um actually no. I won't let you'. I really could have thrown it out the window.

But I managed to relax...and just played guitar instead. Learned a new song - 'Us' by Reginor Spektor. Loving it. There's nothing quite like a sing-song and a good old bash at the strings to calm these anxieties.

I try to just think: Stop stressing. It has to get done. So it will.
I don't know yet whether this attitude will work in my favour or not. We'll see.

On the plus side though, my STA application video has had over 200 views so far, and it's only been up for about 24 hours, so all's good on that front. Keep those votes coming!

A Poem Or Two

Lonesome Traveller

Lonesome traveller,

Watch the fields whipping by,

Block out reality.

Look around at the bareness

That surrounds you.

Feet up,

Plugged in

To the soundtrack of the time.

Float along little girl,

Find your way.

But don’t look too close

Or you’ll miss the most

Important signs.

There are people here,

Who just like you,

Are searching for something more.

Lost but hopeful,

Trying to find meaning,

Looking for the point in it all.

Don’t be afraid,

You’ll get there in the end.

One day it will all make sense.

But for now,

Don’t try so hard

Little girl,

You’re going to be okay.

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Quiet Me Down

This city has fallen silent

Shrouded in a blissful apathy

To cover up our own lost souls,

To bury our truths away.

But when it comes down to it,

Really we’re all just the same.